Why I didn't celebrate Canada Day 2018

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July 1st, the day Canadians all over the world Celebrate Canada Day. Canada day is often filled with Joy, BBQ's, spending time with family And so much more. For the past two, out of the four years, I have lived here, I have been in Canada for the celebrations and have celebrated one way or another, whether it is going to see the fireworks or going down to the waterfront to have some of the best ice cream around. This year, however, I did not celebrate at all. The excitement was not there. The thought of the day arriving made me upset. July first, the day my countdown began. This day marked the thirty-one days I had left in this beautiful country, that I cannot ever imagine having to leave. Canada, the place I have grown so fond of and consider my home.

I came here in August 2014 with no thoughts or plans of ever staying here permanently, however, that all changed within a few months. Meeting new people, a new found independence and finally feeling like I belonged somewhere, really helped me to fall in love with the country. Nevertheless, I was not Canadian and the illusion quickly broke four years in. Now it is a constant battle trying to figure out how to migrate without being finished with University. With all this going on, all the excitement that came with the recent Canada day celebrations was no longer there, covered up by frantic and desperate research.

Instead of celebrating I spent this day moping around and ignoring all invites, contemplating what little options I had available and of course what any sane 21 years old would do when sad, watching Netflix.  Many people have questioned why it is I do not want to return to Jamaica and the answer is simple. Whenever I have gone back for visits I felt suffocated, and, I am not talking about the heat, though that definitely is another thing to consider. What I am referring to, however, is that I feel highly uncomfortable and tend to revert to my pre-Canada personality.  I regress to a state where I do not leave the house and I get back to the point where I cannot even order food on my own at a fast food restaurant. Not to mention though I am 21 almost 22, I still need my parent's permission to leave the house when I am there.   Now I would never speak ill of the land of my birth so don't get me wrong, this is just how I physically feel whenever I am there.

In spite of all that has been going on, I will never give up hope and will never stop fighting to remain in this country where I am brimmed with opportunities and dreams, with a future and self-confidence and with an optimistic outlook on life. Canada.